Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My life is pants optional.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
