we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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