tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
