After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
