I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
