i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
