just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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