I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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