who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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