Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
