take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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