My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize