I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
dude. I can hear the air.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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