Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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