Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
