It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
