i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
