Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
