my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
