I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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