i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
