So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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