Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
