Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
