I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
