I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
