Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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