Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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