Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're a waste of cheezeits
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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