I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
