I think I am morally bankrupt
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
