this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
