If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
