I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
