My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
