Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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