After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
