i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
