I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've blown a few things in my day
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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