Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
