Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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