oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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