their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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