love makes seman taste better
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm always down for nudity.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
