Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have feelings that need drinking.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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