so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
