I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
