paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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