remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
