did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
