I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
