have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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