yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
