My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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